"Jason History: Giants lose ace to rival Dodgers"

Tyler and I make it a game of trying to guess the lame, often pun-based headlines on ESPN.com to accompany various major sports stories. I actually nailed one exactly a couple weeks ago, though regrettably I've already forgotten what it was.

Anyway, today Jason Schmidt, probably second-best in a middling class of free agent pitchers, signed with the Dodgers (only the biggest rival of Schmidt's old team). ESPN, in their infinite wisdom, chose the headline "Schmidt Happens in L.A." Hey, ESPN: did it occur to you that with a last name like Schmidt, this guy has probably had to put up with jokes like this for the last 30-plus years? Way to rub it in his face. With that in mind, I tapped my secret contacts at ESPN and discovered that there were actually a number of similar headlines that the Worldwide Leader considered, but rejected, to lead the story:

"Know Schmidt? Dodgers Do"

"Schmidt Bullish on Dodgers"

"Dodgers In Deep with Schmidt"

"Dodgers Jack Schmidt from Giants"

"Schmidt Out of Luck in San Francisco"

"Taking a Schmidt: Dodgers steal rival's ace"

"Money Talks, J-Schmidt Walks"

"Dodgers Have Schmidt Where They Eat"

"Schmidt Happy as a Pig with New Contract"

"No More Schmidt-Talking in Bay Area"

"Giants Up Schmidt Creek Without a Pitcher"