Showing posts with label news parodies. Show all posts
Showing posts with label news parodies. Show all posts

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

This report called in by Russian journalist Baba Booski

Okay, maybe I have the mind of a 12-year-old. But I found this hilarious.

So I'm listening to the BBC today and they're talking about Russian operations in Georgia. And they discuss what the Russian army did in Poti, a city on Georgia's Black Sea coast. (You can see it on this map.) In fact, it's not just a coastal city, it's a port city. And it's pronounced pot-tea. Or, if you like, potty. And that was what the BBC reporter kept saying.

The port of Poti.

Thank God he wasn't Irish, if you get my drift. I don't know what they call portable toilets in the UK - possibly "portable toilets" - but you have to love that the end result is this slipped right past the goalie. I mean, it sounds like something you'd get on some prank phone call, where someone calls CBS News and tells them he's in the port of Poti, and then they put him on air and he milks that joke for a while, then yells out something about Howard Stern's butt cheeks.

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Russians make pit stop in Georgian port of Poti

POTI (Reuters): A number of Russian soldiers, under orders to return to their country, have paused in this seaside city for what Russian president Dmitry Medvedev termed "a quick pit stop."

"Our soldiers merely need to make brief use of the port of Poti," Medvedev said. "I assure NATO and the Georgian people that our troops will move on once they have done their business."

Told that Georgian president Mikhail Saakashvili had declared that "Russian soldiers have to go," Medvedev replied, "I agree completely," before lapsing into a brief giggling fit.

Monday, April 16, 2007

Bush urges public not to turn against guns

WASHINGTON (AP) - In the wake of the deadliest act of gun-related violence in American history, President Bush has gone to the airwaves, urging the American people not to let the incident prejudice them against people of the gun-carrying persuasion.

"What happened today at Virginia Tech University was a terrible tragedy," Bush said. "Almost as terrible as if we let it color our feelings towards guns and the people who are, by the Constitution of this great country, legally allowed to own them."

Thirty people, plus the gunman, have been reported killed so far following the shootings in Blacksburg this morning. So far, zero incidents of violence against gun owners have been reported, and no one has come forward with anti-gun messages in response to the massacre. Nonetheless, the president stressed the importance of remaining vigilant.

"It is all too easy to blame this tragedy on guns and people who own guns," Bush said. "But ask yourself: can all gun owners be held responsible for the actions of a few individuals? No, they cannot." Donning a baseball cap with the NRA logo emblazoned on it, Bush continued: "Guns don't kill people, people do."

Asked if it was not in somewhat poor taste to defend the right to gun ownership in his first response to the tragedy, Bush shook his head. "I dearly hope that this incident does not lead to bigotry and hatred, and condemnation of gun owners simply for their superficial resemblance to the perpetrator of this horrible crime. We must not turn against each other in the wake of this tragedy, but we must also not turn against guns. Sweet, sweet guns."

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Lest you think this is merely a parody news item, check out Bush's actual response:

"He was horrified and his immediate reaction was one of deep concern for the families of the victims, the victims themselves, the students, the professors and all the people of Virginia who have dealt with this shocking incident," White House deputy press secretary Dana Perino said. "His thoughts and prayers are with them."

"The president believes that there is a right for people to bear arms, but that all laws must be followed," Perino said, noting that Bush and Education Secretary Margaret Spellings held a conference on school gun violence last October. "Certainly, bringing a gun into a school domitory and shooting … is against the law and something someone should be held accountable for," Perino said.
Even for this administration, this has to be a new low. Can you imagine if, immediately after 9/11, Bush said that it was important to remember how it was the right of every American to own a boxcutter? Because that's about the equivalent message. "Hey, I know this was a terrible tragedy, but let's head off all the potential gun backlash at the pass: owning guns is TOTALLY LEGAL, people, and if bad things happen with them it's not the fault of guns." The only thing missing was Bush actually reciting the NRA's "Guns don't kill people" line (as he does in the fake story), or maybe him saying it while holding a rifle in one hand and Charlton Heston's crank in the other.

To be fair, it's entirely possible that Bush himself never had any such thought and that this was just an administration talking point, but that's not really much better, is it? We all know that most politicians are slaves to special interest groups, especially Republicans, but do they have to make it so damn obvious?